I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
