I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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