You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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