Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
