Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
