Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
