so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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