The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
