I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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