walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
