I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
