If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
