I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
