1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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