brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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