whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize