Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize