I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
