Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
