even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
