You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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