i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
