know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
