Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
