oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
