textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
