Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The Olympian is in my bed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
