What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
