I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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