I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
