call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
