do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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