So drunk its hurt
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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