i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
