i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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