Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
