Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
