i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
