so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
