So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
