Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
