batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I smell stomach acid.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
