You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm like, not good at living.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
