hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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