he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
