i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're a waste of cheezeits
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
