The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
