Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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