nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
