I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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