Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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