At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
