A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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