1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
