can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize