Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
