ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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