you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
