I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
