quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
