Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
