There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
