i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
