Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You are the jesus of drinking
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
