I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
