There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
where are my eyebrows?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize