Say something about gay babies.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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