So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
