Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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