go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he wants to bone in the snuggie
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
