Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize