woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
