He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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