I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
