I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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