Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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